New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize