whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will pee on everything he values.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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