I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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