Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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