I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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