You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize