So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize