i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
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I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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