at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize