I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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