Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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