she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
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I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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