seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The best revenge is premature balding
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize