Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Even my vagina gasped.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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