I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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