Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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