The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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