We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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