It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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