Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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