Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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