You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
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I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize