we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
