How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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