My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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