You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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