When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
