Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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