I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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