If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm really busy with my period
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