please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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