I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
