every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize