So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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