Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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