Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize