I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize