id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize