I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize