my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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