If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize