got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize