Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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