i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize