My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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