i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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