No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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