It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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