I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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