dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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